Friday, 21 October 2016

Giving seat to a pregnant woman

When I was pregnant, I got the chance to improve my understanding about behavior of other people towards pregnant women. Some of my experiences are really awesome and some are unfavorable. I found people around us are divided into two categories, first, those who respect motherhood and treat all pregnant ladies well. Second group is of people who think it's not their headache if a woman is pregnant and she has to deal with this matter herself.
During my pregnancy I added lots of fruits in my diet and every day after office, I used to buy fruits for myself. Luckily every other day I met with people who used to offer me help till my house by carrying my fruit bag. I was 30 weeks pregnant and I witnessed subtle humbleness. Once on my way to home, I felt like throwing-up. This is the worst part of my pregnancy that I puked so much. Suddenly I noticed some one standing behind me and rubbing my back. With fear I turned back and saw a 17-18 years old girl. She said, "It's okay. I am here. Should I bring some water for you?" I had a water bottle in my bag so I requested her to get me that from the bag. She then asked me, "I can help you reach home. Tell me where you live?" I thanked her with full of my heart and called my husband to come to that place. She was with me until my husband reached. I was really touched with her gesture because people generally don't go close to a puking person. Again I saw cordiality and benevolence. 
Then I faced blatant rudeness also. One day I woke up late and for reaching office I boarded metro. The train was about to move and I was nearly equal to a small sized (being 30 weeks pregnant) house so I ran inside the common coach which was just in front of me (Delhi metro has a ladies only coach ). I settled myself near to those two seats which are supposed to be given to ladies or senior citizens. However, I was not lucky as two girls were already sitting there. In the hope of favor from someone else in the coach, I kept myself in standing position with help of a pole inside. First I was so disappointed that no one offered me his/her seat even when they could see my baby bump. But soon I realized giving up seat to an expected mother is a polite thing to do. But does anyone have to give up his/her seat ? Nope! Of course it's extremely rude and selfish to just sit there while a heavily pregnant woman suffers on her feet. But no buddy is required to make any one's life easier, whether she is pregnant or not. After all, she has meticulously decided to have her pregnancy and therefore it's her burden to bear those many months being double sized. Although I hate to say this but in reality it's really no one's concern that she is uncomfortable with having a growing baby inside. 
To be clear, I am not advocating such people who don't offer seats to pregnant women or elderly people. But thing is, we can't force people do the right thing. This incident made me think that If I was being so courteous with people. But I was again wrong! This world is a mix of different type of people. Not all of them are bad and for that matter not everyone is good. Only because I met with some careless and emotion-less people doesn't mean I (or anyone) should give-up my mannerly approach of life. People may not be able to understand other's physical or mental situation but it's that person's onus to think how he/she would handle the discomfort in public places. After that day, I always booked a cab if I was late for office. It was primarily my responsibility to care for my baby and myself, and I can't force anyone (except my family) to treat me well. However I still believe that most of the people are good and they do the right things, despite what I said above!

Take it like a man!

What is "being a man?"
One who doesn’t cry and always present himself tough and over emotions. But what is wrong in crying if one is a man?
In my childhood I used to play in a park near by my house. As a common kid’s habit, all the girls used to play "Ghar-Ghar"/"Doctor-Doctor" and boys "Cricket". One day I noticed, one of my neighborhood boys missed a catch even after running till the end of the park boundary and diving with all his strength. His eyes started to water as he got a wound in one of his knees.
"Don’t rub it "said the boy’s elder brother. But suddenly someone shouted, "Take it like a man! Rub some dirt on it and you will be fine." The message was clear “Don’t show your pain at any cost because you are a man."
Dirt is, of course, the life-line of many things around us; it is certainly not a first-aid option to cure physical and emotional pains."Be strong","Behave like a man", "Be tough". Behind all these quoted lines, people are keep on hiding many of the aspects of our live; emotions, shame and openness. With commanding to use dirt for rubbing over wound, those people were actually teaching the boy how to mask his emotions which were absolutely natural.
I have heard many times from my husband that Men can’t cry that’s why they show anger. The more they are hurt, the more they show their emotions in the form of anger. That is the reason we often hear ladies complaining that man in their life are not open about what bothers him. Men don’t freely show their emotional side and love in front of even wives. And once their internal pressure reaches to its boiling point, in comes out in the form of rage and anger. Since it’s been bottled up for so long, the emotions often come out conflicting or are discounted because of the anger. The reality is, it’s all because of lack of emotion in a relationship. Our society has a general thought that men simply don’t have feelings. I don’t know how it started but this is complete fiction. Men have them; but they fail in expressing them.
And you know why? Is this need to keep emotions inside embedded in their male DNA?
It is learned and they are forced to learn it since their early age. They are taught that they need to be strong, confident, and indifferent because emotion shows weakness. And mediums are various, sports, movies, the media, and the family influences in their lives. Showing boys that they aren’t allowed to state fear, pain, and weakness, is in fact starting their detachment in personal relationships and making them emotionally poor.
As a mother, I want my son to ignore social expectation from him or what his father leaned, being a boy, from his family in expressing emotions.
I don’t want him to appear strong all the time. I want him to understand the value of accepting failure and embarrassment. I am not saying every boy should crumble on the field and cry like a fussy toddler. I am not even saying rubbing some dirt on the wound to stop bleeding and getting back to play is a bad thing. It shows determination and strong will power. However, I want my boy to at times accept that dropping a catch is absolutely okay. Its fine if he is sad and his friends notice his teary eyes. And he should learn to face bullies who will try to stop him in expressing his inner side. I also feel Men can change the next generation boys who are heading towards becoming emotionless robots. Fathers can play role in teaching boys importance of their emotional side. They can open up a world of higher emotional intelligence for the boys that will pave the way for personal empowerment and more strong relationships for generations to come.
So, what is actually "being a man?"
It’s being courageous to admit one’s faults. It’s not having fear of looking fool to show love. It’s about not being afraid even it means showing shame or weakness. Once fathers begin to show their sons that all these so-called female emotions are acceptable, and teach them how to grow with them, whole world will evolve as a society and move toward achieving a new level of sensibility. Where men will be men but they would have a heart full of emotions without suppressing them inside. Only then it will be okay to just rub some dirt on it!

Gender disappointment, let's Break It..

Have you heard the term "Gender disappointment"? You guessed it right! This is something related to giving birth to a baby and getting a blow after knowing the baby's gender. Not many of us have done that I am sure. However, there are women who have done so as they all were expecting a different gender child. In India this gender disappointment generally comes into scene when a woman (or her family) was expecting a boy and finally a girl child is handed over to her. Every woman wants to be a mother some day in her life ( I know expectation can be there). She struggles, cries and bears painful time of pregnancy just to become a mother. Then how come she falls into this blue feeling of disappointment?
This so-known phenomenon "Gender disappointment" is present in our society since ages. My mother faced it because she birthed two girls whereas her in-laws were expecting a boy both the times. Most recent case I witnessed when my sister in-law was pregnant second time. She was already mother of a beautiful and super active girl that time. When second time she was expecting, all the family members including her mother (my mother in-law) was willing for a boy. What eventually happened made everyone gloomy except me and my husband. It was a girl child again. We were not even informed that my sister in-law delivered her baby safely. When we called to know about her health as she was close to due date, we came to know that because of this whole gender disappointment, they didn't inform us. My sister in-law even didn't talk to us because she was in deep mental distress. I am sure she had no issues with her second girl child but the family pressure and expectations made her fall into this fizzle.
Time has changed and so have changed most of the people. It's "most of the people" because still exists people who prefer boys over girls. If mother is from new generation, her old generation family members make her feel guilty of birthing a girl. I am really shocked to meet such people who still think girls bring misfortune for the family. Still happening when old ladies from family analysed pregnancy symptoms for predicting gender of the unborn baby. And based on this vague assumption, they even start naming the baby. Such people live in confusion and fancy world, and when doctor declares it's a girl, they get floored. Mother, in such conditions, is left with the only option to break into tears. She considers herself unfortunate and feels as low as a person can feel. Even if she tries to sink it, people around her make it worse. Between growing sense of disappointment and guilt, she doesn't understand what to do!
I feel this whole world is driven by mothers and in cases where family is creating gender disappointment, new mother should take corrective steps. She should make others realize that she is blessed with a healthy baby and this is world's greatest achievement. Bringing a child in this world is no less than fighting a battle. Mourning over gender of the baby is like disregarding nature's favor when both baby and mother are safe. Now my sister in-law's second daughter is everyone's darling. She is so cute and cuddly. It's not that her family didn't accepted the fact that she has two daughters. They all love both the girls. But those few moments when her family didn't celebrated the arrival the little girl has given a life-long scar.
Whether boy or girl, every little soul deserves worm welcome and enormous love, and people should do that without a second thought. The role of a mother becomes harder in such hap because she must advocate her child's existence and gender. It's difficult. It needs a lot of patient and will power. But this is the first motherhood challenge and she has to face it for the betterment of her kid's life which is just starting. Let's be stronger mothers from the very moment we birth our babies! 

Trees Do Not Eat Their Fruits... To All Mother-in-Laws

Although marriage is a bond of love between a bride and a groom made of seven vows, it is sometimes more about the relation between the bride and the groom's mother. With the 7 vows of marriage, a bride also gets a strange relationship with her 'Mother in law'. The relationship of a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law is mostly described as competitive and at a bargain. In some happy families, both these ladies share a beautiful union. But, in some complex ones, this relationship is an example of a bitter truth that can neither be accepted nor be abandoned. I remember a comedy show directed by Sachin (Tu-Tu Mai-Mai) that I had watched on TV when I was a child. The argument between daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law in that show was intended to make people laugh. But in reality it does not stand so funny. Since daughter-in-laws, in our society, are not supposed to make any argument with their mother-in-laws and the following questions keep the daughter-in-laws troubled inside: 
1. When your son is single, I can understand your questing behave as you are performing your duty to question, probe and give advice about selecting a girl. But once he is married, why you still continue to give advice about whom should have he married? What are the better qualities other girls have than I?
2. Why do you criticize your daughter-in-law when food is burnt or house is mess or you get less attention? Is your son a perfect man to do everything really well?
3. Why don't you accept the new girl in your son's life as important as you are for your husband? There is a new relation in its inception stage which needs some time from both of them only for each other. The whole of pi of your son's attention is now divided among more people and your share of this pi is naturally smaller now.
4. Why can't you treat your son and daughter-in-law both as your children? She has left her family to become a new member of your family. Why it's so hard to accept her and give her a little extra affection in getting familiar with your family conventions?
5. When you will stop taking your son's side always? You always have a big biased attitude for judging your daughter-in-law on different standards. Don't you think you should not be judgmental that only your son is right all the time?
6. When you will accept that all of us have different ways of making the house? Does the way your daughter-in-law cooks really matters ? Or how she folds laundry is really an important point to shout? When your son lives away, its her wife's right manage home and if you come to live with them do not assume that even color on walls will be of your choice.
7. Why can't you let your son and daughter-in-law give some time in private at least when they are on a valentine's day date? There are certain emotions need to be shared out of their bedroom. Do you really want anyone to explain all this to you?
8. Don't always add fuel to fire when your son and daughter-in-law fall in a dispute. You are morally responsible to save his relation not to break it by supporting your son and accusing your daughter-in-law every time. 
9. When will you stop comparing your virtues as a 'had been daughter-in-law' with your own daughter-in-law? You both belong to two different generations and there cannot be any similarity of the kind you expect. Time has changed from 'All India Radio' to 'Twitter' and pushing your daughter-in-law back would make her unable to contribute to your grand-children's nurturing. 
10. Why is your son still expected to handover all the pennies he earns into your hands? He also has a family to run and you would not understand the importance of every expense or investment the new generation makes.
11. Why do you think you owe all the rights to lock the jewelries of your daughter-in-law? It's really her time to wear them and feel beautiful and if you keep them locked in your almirah then there is no pointing in giving jewelries to her in 'Public'. 
12. When will you start making a change in you daily routine and especially in your eating habits? You always wish to eat things you are prescribed not to eat and then you blame your daughter-in-law for not taking your care. She has other people to look after and you can be at least sincere.   
13. When you don't think your daughter-in-law should spend much time at her parents place, why do you let your daughter present at your home every next day? You are expected to treat both your daughter and daughter-in-law nearly equal.
14. Why is that a big issue if your daughter-in-law wants to work even after getting married or having children? There is enough rationale that support working women culture and your son and daughter-in-law are partners in life not master or slaves, let them share their responsibilities. 
15. When you will understand that comparing your daughter-in-law with your friend's daughter-in-law is absolutely absurd? NO NO. No one is perfect in this world, not even you. And instead of comparing her, why don't you encourage her to improve where she is lacking?
You can definitely take example of movie Baghbaan in stating that your daughter-in-law does not behave good with you. But do remember that movie also states,"Parents are like the trees and children are their fruits; Trees do not eat their fruits themselves, they produce it for others' benefit." As the roots of your families' tree, it is your responsibility to supply love and care to bind all the branches without any discrimination. Keeping double standards for your son and daughter-in-law and not treating her equal is like comparing between your two eyes. Be a responsible mother-in-law!

Who should go for permanent birth prevention, Husband or Wife?

After becoming parents for the first time, the very common question we face is "When you are planning next?" Contrary, at the end of day every couple thinks about not to have any more children. Some of you may not agree with me but at-least we both, husband-wife, feel this way. Our son is 17 months old and we are always on toes in completing our parenting duties. Being a working couple our life is hectic and every other moment we have to priorities things of life. We fear that managing life with two small kids could be juggling. So bringing a new member in our family would be a super serious step. That’s why we often thought to go for a permanent birth control process. But in a committed relationship, who should get snipped when both husband-wife don't want to have any more children?
20-30 years back this question had an obvious answer. Even if the man definitely does not want any more children, the woman should get her tubes tied. But now I expect a different treatment for this question from new age couples. Today when fathers and mothers, both are equality contributing to well being of their kids, permanent birth prevention is one such topic which they toss around every other day. They want to give good future to their kids and for this they plan their families wisely and meticulously. But to decide who should go for getting this surgical (little) procedure done is a tough question. When I expressed this confusion in front of my office mates (ladies) I was shocked to know that people still think its mother’s responsibility to stop producing more babies (even when making a baby needs father as well).
I feel that between husband and wife, whoever is feeling absolutely definite about not wanting any more kids, should be the one who gets the deed done. Sadly I found out that men don’t seem to feel that way. When they for sure do not want any more children, then THEY should go and get a permanent solution for it. Men want to rule the house and they want to take all important decisions for their families then why not decision of having vasectomy? I individually feel its okay to follow husbands and let them take all serious steps for the whole family. But I want them to come forward for solving this birth prevention problem also. We are educated people and we know that there is nothing un-manly in getting vasectomy done. I rather feel it would be a matter of pride for wives and they would love their husbands even more then.
However, I would say one more thing whatever works for your family obviously is the best option. So if husband is not willing to come forward, wife should take this decision. In today’s lifestyle Planned Parenthood is crucial. For me and my family, if my significant other in our committed relationship, for a fact does not want any more children, and I am also sure about it, I would go and get my ovaries shut down. But only if I am willing! Absolutely without any pressure from any one! Now, personally, I am saying that I do not want more kids, AT THIS MOMENT. But I am not totally nailed on that. My husband also thinks on similar track that we don’t want more babies as of now but he sees a possibility of expanding our family in FUTURE. So whenever I make my mind about having another child or about stopping it here only then beyond any doubt I would opt for permanent contraception. Or even let my husband go for it if he wishes.

Should women have the right to take off during their periods?

I fall in the category of women for whom periods are always painful. This menstruation sometimes makes me feel weak, sick and frustrate. Even I pass out at times. Although I have learned how to deal with it but certain days I don't feel like talking to anyone during my menses. I even don't want to get up for office and I want to be in my bed whole day. I know that's now impossible because I'm a mother and wife. And I have to take care of my family as well. But I admit, I remain irritated especially if I am in office. So I feel it's better to have time off for those days rather than being just in office and making it worse of everyone else there. Sigh!! I can't take leaves every month. I can't skip my work commitments and I have to go office irrespective of I being not much of myself. Plus, salary deduction is another fear that haunts me in taking leaves during my periods. But isn't it injustice with women? We should be allowed to take leave when we feel sick of menses.
In March this year, I read somewhere that a company in UK is creating a period policy. This company is going to give it's employees menstrual leaves. Although employees are expected to cover up this time off but they could just stay home while they are suffering with such condition, without having to produce a sick note. What a great step it would be, right? By the way, this UK Company is the first one to offer such policy to its employees. "Nike" introduced menstrual leaves in 2007 and many other companies as well. But point is, as of now there is no such law in place which can guarantee women this right. This applies for many countries (this includes our country as well) yet exceptions are there. Japan is pioneer in the field of menstrual leaves. They have a law since 1947 to allow women to take days off if they are suffering from period pain. Similar kind of laws exists in Taiwan, Hong-Kong, South Korea and some part of China.
I am really touched with what this UK Company 'Coexist' representatives say about the period policy they want to create. “The purpose of this policy initiative is to create a positive approach to menstruation and the menstrual cycle that empowers women and men and supports the effectiveness and well-being of the organization. To restore the menstrual cycle as the asset it is.” “It’s not just about taking time off if you feel unwell but about empowering people to be their optimum selves. If you work with your natural rhythms, your creativity and intelligence is more fulfilled. And that’s got to be good for business.”
But big question is, "should a law be introduced for periods of women where it doesn't exists as of now?"," Is this law not be miss-used for personal benefit?" Some agree and some disagree. As per some companies, these periods’ leaves will be very difficult to manage in practice. How can a company track who is suffering from periods and when? Some people even say that such polices may create bad feeling among employees and grievance about sex discrimination. Fact of matter is, this would be a huge step for companies/countries to make any such law. Especially in countries like India where taking openly about woman's period is still a taboo. In our country we, ladies, try to hide it and camouflage it doing extra make up, taking pain killers and hot drinks. Contrary, there are science evidences that women could benefit if they express freely their emotions of this time. And period policies can definitely benefit them. Because we know that we, ladies, struggle to concentrate on work when we have period pain.

Please share your thoughts about such period policies. I am with it, are you also?

If you are a mother, do you assume yourself beautiful?

What makes you beautiful as a Mother? I am not talking about your beauty from any other's perspective. I am asking what your heart thinks about it. Let's take examples of mothers you know personally. What makes them so amazing? Is their beauty about how they physically look OR how they look at their kids? You might not assume yourself graceful but fact is You Are. Sometimes we tend to ignore what little things we do everyday that make big changes in life. We, mothers, often consider ourselves insignificant because we always look upon our failures. But believe me, mothers are running this whole universe. 
No language can express the power, the beauty and the majesty of a mother's love..
A mother is beautiful when she confronts her baby in middle of night..
She is beautiful when she reads for her kids even being badly tired..
She is even beautiful when she kissed scrapped knees..
Great is how she loves her kids unconditionally..
Wonder is how she lifts them up and stand by them..
Magic is how she can understand unspoken words..
Mothers are beautiful because of their beautiful acts..
When she cleans, cooks and care for family selflessly..
When she listens to crying babies without getting frustrated..
When she eats leftover food of her baby's plate without feeling low..   
When she stays up late in night to make sure kids can go school timely next morning..
When she keeps on ignoring doctor visit for herself whereas a single cut on her kid's hand can make her cry..
And Beautiful mothers can be found every where..
They are like silent saints staying with us at home..
They are soldiers working to make our world more beautiful place..
They are social workers fighting for the rights of their kids..
They work hard to protect families around them even if they don't have their own kids and families..
So mothers, next time when you look into the mirror, notice few things instead of dark circles and not-so-fair face. Instead of wrinkles, see the experience you gain with time. Instead of noticing extra kilos, observe the strength you have now. Instead of inspecting dark circles under your eyes, think about the immense love your kids give you. Instead of spotting burned hands and callused feet, feel happy that you can work harder. And instead of seeing your failures, see how much you are blessed. We all may not see this inner beauty in ourselves and feel inadequate, so from now onward whenever you see any mother passing near to you, smile.. Even go to her and talk about her kids and family. Ask how she is doing health wise. When you see a new mother rocking her baby, give her the encouragement she needs. When you note a mother handling her tricky toddler, go offer help. Because a little love goes long way.. Every day mothers are doing beautiful things around the world. So from this Mother's day celebrate a Mother's true beauty and her heroism every day..
Ritualize Every day as Mother's day..

On Mother's Day A letter to my future daughter-in-law

First of all let me tell you that I am so excited to meet you. You might still be in diapers somewhere (so does my son is) but soon we'll meet and I'll get the pleasure of having a daughter in-law. So, welcome to the family dear! You are going to get a new mother, May not as perfect as yours but definitely a caring one!
Just like my son, you may also not be able clearly talk yet. By today, your future man is just figuring out how to say things in his sweet voice and I am his voice these say. I can comprehend his thoughts being his mother. So I would like to say that this may be too early to talk to you but darling time passes in blinks and I wanted to be prepared for your wedding with my son.
I promise that I would give the best man of your life. For this I'll put my best efforts to help my son in finding you. I'll make sure that he understands the meaning of "being a Husband" which is one of the two most important titles a man carries in his life. Other is of course "Father". He will surely know that he has to carry two biggest responsibilities of his life, as his father is doing commendably.
I assure you that from your first meet; you'll find him as a courteous and respectful man. A man, who will never violate the grace and dignity of a woman. He will be a strong and humble life partner for you. He will not push and prob you into work if you first and foremost want to focus on your kids. If you want to do job, he'll be happy to share responsibilities of home and kids.
He will adjust himself in your family and will grow to love them. He will clearly see that your parents have raised you with full hearts, and be profoundly grateful for them. He will be a fast friend to your siblings and a support to your parents. He will look forward to welcome them as often as he can. He will laugh and cry with them all your married life.
He will know that belief matters a lot in relationships when faith between you both is under attack. He may want to be head of the home for financial matters but he will value your suggestions. He will surely understand that family is not an important thing, it’s everything.  He will try to shadow all sorrows and bad days with giving you reasons to smile always.
He may have flaws. He will get angry and frustrated and selfish, at times in saying and doing things. Please, please forgive him and work it out. You will all be the stronger for it. I have learnt from my life experiences that in front of love and humor any anger can melt down. So please use your love whenever you find friction between you both.
More than anything else, my son will love you with everything in him. You will be the most wonderful woman in his life. You will be his very best friend, the best decision he ever made. I know after you both get married, he will face conflict in balancing my and your wishes. But please remember that I am his mother and he’ll be little biased towards me. Your job will be to support him and get your wishes fulfilled without putting him in any battle of preference.
It’s Mother’s day today. I know as I am a doting mother, your mother will also be a devoted woman. She must be dreaming about your future and married life. Please convey my wishes to her for this very day and say her thank you that she is doing the greatest thing of her life with mothering you. I hope she would be happy to know that I am preparing her future son in-law. 
Wherever you might be, my future daughter-in-law, I hope you enjoy the rest of your childhood. When you are both ready, I will be more than happy to offer my son to you, knowing that he will do everything he can to take care of you.I wish that you will take care of him, too. All I want is to see him happy with you!

Ram Navami : The first conversation between new born Lord Rama and mother Kaushilya

Do you know that Lord Rama was born as a full grown man ? Yes it's true as per our Hindu mythology. When I was pregnant and was coming close to my delivery date, my mother suggested me to read a special verse from Ram-Charit-Manas. The reason was to ease the anxiety which every would- be mother feels coming close to final days of pregnancy. Ram-Charit-Manas, composed by Goswami Tulsidas, is a master piece epic that takes one through the entire life of Lord Rama beautifully. The epic has been formulated as a collection of poetries describing Lord Rama’s life through seven phases (known as seven Kands). Though all these Kands are beautifully exhibited, BalKand (the first of all) is portrayed divinely beautiful. This kand takes one through the holy birth of Lord Rama and his pleasant childhood activities. The very feelings of mother kaushilya at her child’s birth have been depicted in a beautiful verse from BaalKand. 

The birth of Lord Rama, was a real surprise for mother Kaushilya as the new born didn't cry like a normal new born. Being the incarnation of Lord Vishnu, Kaushilya’s son appeared as a full grown person (actually in his Vishu form) before his mother.Sparkling large eyes, rain-cloud body complexion, having four hands and holding shankh, chakra, gada and lotus flower, adorned with a necklace of forest-flowers, the slayer of every evil was an ocean of beauty. On seeing such magnificence before her mother Kaushilya fell in love with Lord Rama at first sight. She was overwhelmed to find such marvelous appearance of her child. However, she wondered that it could not really happen. The heart of a mother immediately expressed her wonder before her son. Here is a glimpse of the conversation between mother Kaushilya and her new born supernatural-child.

Kaushilya, joining her palms, said "O infinite Lord, in what ways do I sing Your glories? The Vedas and Puranas declare that You are delusion Yourself; beyond knowledge, the owner of entire attributes and immeasurable.”
“The repository of compassion and bliss, the ocean of all virtues; the holy books and saints chant Your glories saying that You are the beloved of all! The adorned of Laxmi! I am wondered that You have appeared Yourself for my sake.”
“You are beyond scope of words and purview of intellect! Vedas proclaim that through your delusive potency you can create a universe from each pore of your body. Then, how could You lived in place like my womb? It is seems like a fantasy and even wise men will find this difficult to believe.”
Knowing the dilemma of mother’s heart, the Lord smiled and revealed the reason of his incarnation before his mother. He told mother that he has to perform various noble acts through life in the name of her Son. The Lord attracted Kaushilya’s attention towards the number of activities he is going to do to please the people on earth as her child.
After understanding the divine purpose of Lord’s incarnation, mother Kaushilya expressed her desire to cherish each milestone of her son's childhood like; the first smile, the first walk, first spoken word, like every child’s mother. She said, "Let me have the incomparable joy of watching you grow-up as my child. The childlike acts that you perform will be quite heart-winning and pleasant.O merciful Lord! You are compassionate to the poor. I, therefore, request You to give up this form of grown-up man and come into my lap like a small baby.”
At such kind wish of her mother, the omniscient Lord of the entire world began crying like a child..

On your second marriage with cell phone

Your are driving to reach office and you get stuck in heavy traffic,  what’s your first thought?  You need to get off your cell phone!
You just switched on your cell phone's wifi and you notice 100 messages from your friends groups. You couldn't stop yourself in replying them!
You heard Narendra Modi is delivering speech in his political rally, you immediately turn on data connection of your cell phone. You even keep on checking the highlights of his speech !
Sound familiar? I see a problem in today’s husbands that they are cell phone addicted. And this disease is spreading like anything. In last 15 years the cell phone has conquered our world. And quest of smart phones have made them more powerful. I could make a list of 50 ways these phones have improved our lives. But if you’re like me and can remember what life was like before we all got cell phones, you may wonder if all the changes are really for the good. Remember the days when we were not having phones. We used to enjoy outings, visits to relatives, movies without having thoughts of updating selfies and photos. We used be serious in work without being distracted by ringing phones or by the white glow of someone texting next to us.
Adjusting with new technologies is not new for people. Electricity, TV, phones, computers, and many other new inventions have brought significant changes in our lives and in the way we related to our spouses, our children, and our friends.  But the pace these new technologies are taking is breathtaking. We’ve seen the evolution of the internet and of smart phones, and then the convergence of the two. We can now be online wherever we are, 24/7. The technology is updating itself so quickly that most of us are barely aware of how our behavior is changing and our relationships are getting affected. 
My husband's day start with checking facebook, twitter, whatsApp and different news feeds. As if, his friend would get angry if he doesn’t reply them. During any typical day whenever he gets time, he peeps over his cell phone, checks updates and reply them. He even shares with me good posts and jokes at times. And no wonder his day ends with checking updates, again. His discussion groups not only forward jokes and images but also do chats about our country’s politics. One such group has half of the people who are Narendra Modi fans and remaining are Arvind Kejriwal admirers. Although I am not biased towards any of these leaders however I have problem with this group’s bustle. This group is so active that my husband is always busy in participating debates going over. I hate them and I hate them all. I know discussion over economy and politics is good but not at the cost of relationships. I get two days (weekends) in a week to talk to my husband and these free people (including my husband) don't realize the importance of family time. I want my husband's attention which his phone is getting these days. I want him to talk to me more about our lives and family. And I dislike listening how witty his group is while chatting about any xyz topic. I am kind of jealous with his cell phone and I felt sad when he said to me "A phone with good camera can even make you beautiful" (I might not be beautiful but I don't need a camera to enhance my looks). 
So to all husbands, it’s not that the technology is inherently bad. It actually helps us connect with many people in positive ways. The problem is that so many people are failing to ignore and control it. It’s as if they are married to their cell phones. So I would suggest, no device while having dinner, no phones at bed and no phone while spending time with family.  When you’re with someone, that relationship is your priority. Retraining to keep yourself away from cell phone will take some time. But keeping them in their rightful place will open up the door to more intimate communication with your spouse and family .If you can’t live without a gadget throw it away.  If a gadget is engrossing most of your leisure time, rule of thumb- throw it away!
A message for my husband: Life is too short dear.  Let’s not invest that little time we have in meaningless endeavors. Let’s spend this precious time in loving and caring more to our family and to each other. 

You can do this Mothers

To all Mothers..
How many times in a day you think that you can't do a certain thing but you find yourself doing that? As a mother, we all presume many things impossible at the very first moment but then we get ourselves indulge into it somehow. No matter if that work is hard or easy, sad or enjoying, we do it.. even after thinking that we can't do this. Here are some of things we, mother think we can't do but we actually do in our lives:
1. "I can't carry this" says the woman before conceiving her baby and thinking it's the biggest responsibility of the world. But later SHE carries this responsibility with full of her heart and becomes the life-line of her kids.
2. "I can't face this" says the pregnant woman, hearing shouting and crying of other woman in labour. But SHE faces it when her time comes and encourages other mothers to stand up to it with strong will power.
3. "I can't do this anymore" says the would-be mother suffering painful contractions inside the labour room. But SHE welcomes her babies in this world bearing that intense pain and she loves them the most.
4. "I don't think I can do this" says the woman leaving her baby as she goes back to work. But SHE goes to office every day and tries to prove herself as the best mother with balancing work and family.
5. "I can't deal with it" says the mother of the defiant toddler or teenager dealing with rigid tantrums. But SHE loves her kids’ unconditionally in-spite they give her tough time to face.
6. "I don't think I can see this" says the mother who watches her baby drive off for the first time without her. But SHE develops confidence over her baby and encourages him/her with the biggest smile of the world.
7. "I can't live this way” says the mother who helps her baby send off the application for the college which is far away from her place. But SHE sends her baby out for studies and wish for his/her brightest future.
8. "I don't think I can do this" says the mother who takes a look at the proposal photograph of her daughter. But SHE dreams about the wonderful married life of her daughter and let this separation happen after her daughter got married.
9. "I don't think I can see this" says the mother who gives her son to his new bride. But SHE accepts this new relationship of her son's life and retires from the job of worrying about what his son would eat/wear any other day.
10. And "I don't think I can do this" says the woman who gives her child up for adoption. But SHE accepts this parting for the good of her child's life and tries to present herself as the toughest woman of the earth. 
I hope you agree with me that just when we, mothers, thought we couldn't, just when we were sure that there was no way we ever could, we discover that we had it and we did it. Because we have blessing of being MOTHERS. There are many other such moments when a mother thinks she can't this or that but her "I don't think I can do this" always has a hidden “But I will do this" appended.
So just when you are sure that you can't handle it, that it's too tough for you, that you're not strong enough or equipped to face it, remember that you were never designed to do it alone. You have all those women with you who are mothers and have faced such spells. You would find them saying collectively "Go ahead…You can do this".

Please stop comparing my life with movie "Ki & ka"

First of all let me confess, I haven't yet watched this movie "Ki & Ka" but I do have things to say about it. Ki & ka is a movie (what I feel) that spins over a clever and easily marketable topic that can be communicated in a single sentence. It's about battle of sexes. I don't have any personal issue with such battles until they harm and misguide people about the idea of living a happy life. This movie is showing the gender role reversal where an ambitious woman who wants to climb the ladder of success is married with a progressive male partner who is happy to stay at the bottom. He cooks, cleans and plays the perfect house husband while she toils away. I guess this movie features a conversational humor and gives a wrong impression about working wives. I feel sad about this rambling story, which is stretched to more than 120 minutes without adequately exploring the issues it stokes (my sister told me the whole plot and the story).
My husband is doing work from home since last many months and I am going office, as usual. My mother in-law stays with us for looking after our son and I am so thankful to my husband that he is always there at home to help his mother in doing so. Working from home is not an easy thing for him. Our son now understands that Papa is inside the other room, working on his laptop and talking to someone over phone. All these things are sufficient to attract our 17- month old boy and he tries his best to get Papa outside, everyday. He knocks the door of the room, he cries at times to his loudest limit and on top of everything his sweet voice calling "Papa" is enough to melt my husband's heart for leaving his work. Still he's trying excellently to balance things. In fact, he is adorable in his part that he, more or less has taken charge of a mother who attends his son on very moment when he needs his parents.
However, people don't admire his commendable efforts. After this very movie got releases and my husband went office for a meeting, his team-mates said that he reminded them movie Ki & ka. I don't know how people are seeing similarities between this money-making idea movie and our real life situations. To my deepest thinking, I could understand that as in movie Kareena Kapoor works whereas her husband Arjun Kapoor is a stay at home husband, I go out for work and my husband stays home “and work”. But is this the likeness between the theme of the movie and how we, husband-wife, are helping each other?
We have decided to go like this because we feel this is the best way to live a happy life. In movie the character kabir stays home because he doesn’t want to be an “MBA robot”. But my husband “stays home and work” also. And I am not at all that much ambitious that I can’t acknowledge my partner’s efforts. I find him the best man who has no identity crises with his wife going office whereas he stays home. I see him as an outstanding employee who works till mid night to complete his office work. And I feel he is the best father in this world who has no issue in changing diapers of his son and even attending client calls taking his son in his lap.
So, to all those people who commented on my husband referring this movie, “Perhaps you all couldn’t understand what a husband is doing for his wife, a father is doing for his son and a family person is doing for his family. All you are seeing is a man staying at home (he is working also, you already know) and his wife going office. So please stop judging and commenting us. For the movie which you have enjoyed, I want to show a blunt reality behind it. Ki & Ka is about that washing machine commercial that suggests that domestic dynamics will change for good if men start washing the clothes. The binaries along which both the characters are plotted leave no room for negotiation. Thecharacter kia hates to do domestic work and can you tell which today’s women doesn’t? Thecharacter kabir doesn’t want to be a corporate drone and tell me which man wants to be one? At no point these two frames merge, and by sticking the characters in His and Hers corners, the movie misses an opportunity to examine the taboo that society forces on men and women. The taboo that laughs at a man if he stays at home, people who try break the bond between husband-wife and narrow mindedness that limits the roles of life partners. So please stop appreciating the ideas that can bring turmoil in relationships. Not all family disputes end at happy note like our new generation movies, some of them get sad endings and in real life sad ending can’t get fixed easily."

Who decided your baby's name?

When I was five-month pregnant, we both, husband-wife, started thinking about our soon-to-be-coming baby’s name. It was actually a big responsibility to carry. We were to pick a name for our baby's life time. Honestly, the magnitude of thinking about it was huge. Every night I used to ask my husband the same question, "Did you find any good boy and girl names?" and he used to give me the same reply, "I forgot." I thought I would find it by myself. After a massive thinking and searching, I came across names of my best linking, "Nishkarsh" (which means result in English) for boy and "Santati"(which also means result in English) for girl. I found these names apt because they’re unique, have some meaning and most importantly starting with letter 'N' and ‘S’. My husband's name starts with letter 'N' and mine with 'S' so all my conditions were getting accomplished with these two names. I told these names to my husband and he was also happy with them.
However, the names parents are short listing for their unborn baby have always been a matter of discussion for other people and you can’t get through this. Same happened to me as well. Along the way, I noticed that after due date and gender inquiries comes the question of names. We, husband-wife, heard plenty of the options for names, not only when my son was inside, also when he was finally outside. I appreciate those who were supportive of my pregnancy and wanted to know details. But I realized that when any lady is pregnant, people, let me be specific, the well wishers, assume her naive. As if she is not able to think and do wisely. So I faced people making joke on the name which I selected "you’re going to name your baby THAT?!" And yes, that has been said to me. Many times!
Even after when my son safely came into this world and we, husband-wife, shared the baby boy’s name we decided, our relatives gave us strange looks. "Nishkarsh, is that a name?", "It’s so difficult in pronouncing", "Oh, so with this name you want to convey that your son is ‘result’ of your love" I was so puzzled hearing such comments. And we (husband-wife) gave up with giving our relatives a chance to change the name. Sadly no one could help us and even after a week they couldn’t agree upon a single name. But I must say they were successful in mystifying us (husband-wife) about the very name which we decided with so much of zeal and love.
There are only few people in total that I personally asked "What do you think about the name of my baby?" My husband, my parents and my in-laws. And I wanted to hear their opinion, feeling and thoughts for the one which I decided. But beyond that I asked for no other opinions. And still I got them! When anyone else asked the names we were considering I never followed my answer with "do you like those names?" Not even once. Yet I met with lemon faces (the face one makes when eating a lemon), direct dismissals and the unwanted, "you should name him X." And again, point to be noticed : I didn’t ask!


I know people were trying to be helpful, but it was a blunt denial of our choice and the thought we had given to this great task. After that, my husband and I had a long talk and we made a decision. Of course we knew there was no harm intended when people shared their opinions about our names, but it could smudge our judgment and could make us confuse. We’re only human, we get influenced. So we decided that our name idea will stay just that. Ours. No influence, no judgment, no interference. Now people know our son as “Nishkarsh” and I love when they call him with the name that I had first given to him with my naive mother instinct. 

To my wife..a confession letter

Dear wife 
I have been thinking about it since long. Today I'm writing it to you that I have few confessions to make. 
I have to confess that..
I'm giving you less attention. Our lives have completely changed since we had our baby and that is because we decided to have a family. We may be spending less time together now but I feel this is okay for now because I know that one day we will be dining at good restaurants, holding hands and reminiscing about the moments that we spent with our kids.  Then my focus will be YOU only. I want you to understand why our time has taken a backseat because we are building something so special, that it is worth the wait.
I do have a confession...
I'm not the person I used to be earlier. I have also changed and it is not at all your fault. I'm working more than I used to because I want to give our kids the best I can. I admit I am spending more time on my laptop than with you but that doesn't mean I am escaping the world of parenting, it is because I am busy planning ahead for the future of our family. I want to give you a comfortable time when we would be old and I would not be able to make money.
I have a confession…
Our life is not a "couple life" anymore. Do you remember the time when I used to put on a movie that you insisted we should watch, and then you would fall asleep in my arms halfway through it? Those were simpler and romantic moments of our lives but we haven't watched a single movie since last 14 months. Our relationship has changed but not for the worse. It is simply the natural evolution of our lives from carefree to responsible, from a couple to parents.
I do have a confession...
I have started admiring you a-lot. I used to admire you as a responsible wife but now I adore you as a person. The day you birthed our baby was the day when I saw you become a woman and a strong one at that. The one who smiles even when she has only had 2 hours of sleep in night. The woman who makes my breakfast when she can barely keep her eyes open. The one who irons my clothes even when she has to deal with a toddler tantrum. The woman with whom I'm falling in love with all over again because seeing you being a mother is a different kind of love.
I have one more thing to say..
I should apologize to you because I think that motherhood takes a lot more out of a woman's body and emotions when compared to that of fatherhood. But I want you to know that you are perfect the way you are. With all stretch marks and your C-Section scar, sore eyes, and frizzy hair, I wouldn't worry so much about how our relationship used to be.  I know that my beautiful soul mate is still there and she is not going anywhere. Our priorities may have temporarily changed, but the aim of our love and happiness remains same. I feel so happy to see you enjoying and laughing with our kids and it's all I want in my life now. 
Your husband..

Life is beautiful yet I want little more..

Life is beautiful that I'm a ‘girl’, who is independent and confident,
                          Still I wish I was a boy so that my parents could have avoided people commenting on "no boy" topic..
Life is beautiful that I'm educated and living in a big city,
                         Yet I want to live in any village, far away from the hassles of fast life and close to nature..
Life is beautiful that I got a perfect husband,                      
                         Still I wish I would have met him earlier so that I could have added few more years of togetherness..        
Life is beautiful that looks wise I'm okay..
                        Yet I like improving my beauty with cosmetics and little make-up..
Life is beautiful that I'm married and settled..
                         Still I want to be a little girl who plays with amma and papa..    
Life is beautiful that I'm a working woman..
                         Yet I want to stay at home, purposely, and spend more time with my son..
Life is beautiful that I'm free to enjoy my independence,
                          Still I love to tease my husband that he doesn't take me to shopping..
Life is beautiful that my house is sufficient for my family,
                          Yet I wish a bigger house where everything is decorated by me..
Life is beautiful that my office is an employee friendly organization..
                         Still I wish to enjoy a whole month of laziness being home and not getting up early..
Life is beautiful that I'm blessed with a boy..
                        Yet I love shopping cute colorful frocks and hair clips..
Life is beautiful that I'm earning well..
                        Still I wish to add more numbers in my salary account..
Life is beautiful that I have supportive in-laws..
                        Yet I want a bit more liberation from them..
Life is beautiful that I have best friends in my life..
                       Still I want to make more friends who are of my type..
Life is beautiful that I have everything for a happy living..
                       Yet I want more smiles and contentment for my family..
Woman In Me has everything.. Still I want little more from life..